Festivals and me have had a volatile relationship over the years. The way I see them is, some people are made for mud, plastic cups and toilets that look like they are carrying a million diseases. Some of us, including myself, are made for glassware, civilized outfits and a comfortable seat.
So I was persuaded by my good friend Charlotte (above) to venture down to this weekend’s V Festival in Chelmsford, Essex, and enjoy the music and try my hardest to get into the festival spirit.
Obviously my good friends at Borkowski PR sorted me out with super duper passes into the luxury Virgin Mobile Louder Lounge for the entire weekend so at least I had some semi relaxing salvation throughout the weekend. They had nice toilets (which obviously stank, but needless to say were leagues better than the toilets outside), celebs a plenty and free food and drinks!
Lisa Snowdon looked chic in a faux fur hippy style jacket and long flowy hair. She stood nattering during Sundays festivities with Holly Willoughby and hubby Dan Baldwin, former Damage star Jade Jones and Leigh Francis (who plays Keith Lemon). Holly told me she was thrilled to be at the festival and living it up in a Winnebago. “I’ve been doing a bit of work for the festival so I got a luxury Winnebago and it’s the first time in six years I haven’t had to slum it in a tent,” she beamed.
Sarah Harding and Nicola Roberts hung out in the lounge. I actually thought all these rumours about the Girls Aloud stars being stick thin must have been blown out of proportion but I was shocked at the sight of them. They are tiny. Sarah complained about being “so tired”. I just wish that girl (who I genuinely like) would enjoy her life a little more.
Coleen Rooney hired a chopper form Stanstead airport to zoom into the bash and seemed to enjoy the trip. Newspapers say she spent £200,000 getting into the festival and hiring a Winnebago for her and three girlfriends. The organizers would have wanted her there. She probably just paid for her car back to Liverpool! Coleen was beaming after her recent wedding to Wayne. She said: “It was an amazing day. I loved every minute.” I caught her on the Sunday evening just preparing to go up to Liverpool and she said: “We’re getting a car from here to Liverpool now. We’ll take booze with us.” I told her to enjoy her limo ride back and the clearly pissed up star said: “Erm, who gets a limo nowadays??”
I felt like such a dick. The wannabe Liver Bird made me feel well old!
I also managed to spot a number of other names including Alexa Chung and Nick Grimshaw, Jodie Kidd, Alfie Allen and Jaime Winstone, Leah and Jo Wood, Alan Carr, Steve Jones, Denise Van Outen, Christopher Parker, Jessie Wallace and Martine McCutcheon and musician boyfriend Jack McManus (below).
The celebs treated themselves to drinks from the Red Bull Cocktail Hut and the fabulous Ibiza Angels were on hand to give all the stars complimentary massages.
Hilariously Kelly Osbourne and boyfriend Luke Worrell were zoomed past me on a golf buggy and Kelly was yelling: “Hiiiiiii Dean!” That wasn’t embarrassing at all in front of about fifty other VIP guests – cheers Kel!
The real highlight for me was being given some exclusive cut off Wellies from up market brand Hunter. The company invited me backstage to get a pair of their lovely new Hunter Short Wellies and had two fantastic guys on hand to graffiti them with my column name ‘Mr Showbiz’ on one boot and with a portrait of me on the other side! How cool is that!
They were the talk of the festival…..
For more information on how to get your Hunter boots log onto www.hunter-boot.com and thanks to the fantastic Shuck One (www.myspace.com/thekoolskool) and Tizer One (www.myspace.com/tizerone).
Oh, and bands wise here’s my bullet point reviews of who I saw…..
*The Prodigy – Completely out of control and fantastic. Angela Griffin and hubby Jason were alongside me but ended up hitting the mosh pit. The band rocked – and were the highlight of the festival for many. I watched them sober too – and loved every second.
*Stereophonics – Kelly Jones and his band were my favourite rock performance. They are so reliable as a band and the crowd loved every minute.
*Duffy – sounds like she’s on helium and annoyed the hell out of the crowd with ridiculous chats in between. But great voice and loved watching her sing Warwick Avenue.
*Lenny Kravitz – Simply fantastic and did all the hits. Slightly annoying though that he over played so many songs – Lenny could have fit more tunes into the set!
*Hot Chip and Jamie T – Both were immense and had the entire tent jumping for joy!
I did make one rather, er, naïve comment at V Festival too. I said to my friend Charlotte: “I can’t believe those people are throwing their beers up in the air at the crowd like that.” Charlotte replied: “Sweetheart that’s not beer, its piss.”
I will never understand that – what adult in their right mind would gain satisfaction from peeing in a beer cup and throwing their own urine into a crowd of people. Morons. My friend Charlotte actually said those twats spoiled the set by the Kings of Leon (which was apparently amazing) when she ran down to the front. Such a shame.
For all the proper gossip from the Festival make sure you buy Closer next Tuesday and read my column Mr Showbiz!